{"id":369,"date":"2026-09-08T17:24:36","date_gmt":"2026-09-08T17:24:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/localhost\/fame\/techz\/?p=1"},"modified":"2026-09-30T15:41:04","modified_gmt":"2026-09-30T15:41:04","slug":"goat-of-garnant","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/welshbollocks.com\/?p=369","title":{"rendered":"MEDIEVAL PAINTING \u2018PROVES\u2019 GOAT OF GARNANT DESTROYED GLANAMAN AFTER DODGY VINDALOO"},"content":{"rendered":"

A newly discovered masterpiece by Leonardo Dai Winci has sold for a world-record \u00a313.60, finally settling one of the Amman Valley\u2019s most hotly disputed historical arguments.<\/strong><\/p>\n

The painting, entitled Cleif y cleddyf<\/em> \u2014 Clive the Sword<\/em> \u2014 depicts the legendary Welsh knight confronting the Goat of Garnant, an enormous beast said to have destroyed Glanaman by blowing fire from its arse after eating a questionable vindaloo.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

It was discovered in a Garnant attic, inside a Kwik Save carrier bag underneath some Christmas decorations and a remote control nobody recognised.<\/p>\n

\u201cI thought it was an old Christmas card,\u201d said the finder. \u201cThen I noticed the goat\u2019s arse and thought, no, that\u2019s probably historical.\u201d<\/p>\n

Local experts have declared the discovery conclusive proof that the creature existed, pointing out that somebody had clearly gone to considerable trouble to paint it.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou wouldn\u2019t put that much effort into something you\u2019d made up,\u201d explained local historian and occasional guttering specialist, Dr Gethin Parchment. \u201cLook at the legs. All four done properly.\u201d<\/p>\n

According to legend, the Goat of Garnant ordered a vindaloo despite being repeatedly advised that a korma would be more sensible.<\/p>\n

What followed reportedly levelled much of Glanaman, scorched three surrounding hillsides and left washing on a line in Brynamman smelling faintly of cumin until the following March.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe geographical distinction is important,\u201d said Dr Parchment. \u201cHe was the Goat of Garnant<\/strong>. Glanaman just happened to be downwind.\u201d<\/p>\n

The painting shows Cleif defending himself with a shield, having apparently realised rather late in proceedings that he was approaching the animal from the wrong end.<\/p>\n

His expression has been described by art historians as \u201ca powerful study of human vulnerability\u201d and by one local resident as \u201cthe exact face my husband makes when he\u2019s trusted a fart\u201d.<\/p>\n

The gold background, previously assumed to represent divine light, is now believed to be Glanaman.<\/p>\n

Little is known about the artist, Leonardo Dai Winci, although scholars believe he worked mainly in oils, illuminated manuscripts and cash.<\/p>\n

His other suspected works include The Last Supper Before The Rugby<\/em> and an early study for the Mona Lisa<\/em> in which she is visibly annoyed about the cost of Corned Beef.<\/p>\n

The painting\u2019s \u00a313.60 sale followed a tense bidding war involving two collectors and a man who thought he was buying the frame.<\/p>\n

The successful bidder described the acquisition as \u201can investment in Welsh cultural heritage\u201d, adding that he would have gone to \u00a314 if necessary.<\/p>\n

Plans are now being discussed for a commemorative plaque in Glanaman. Residents have requested that it be heat-resistant.<\/p>\n

Asked whether further scientific testing was needed to establish the goat\u2019s existence, Dr Parchment was dismissive.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019ve got a painting of it and a man holding a shield. What more do people want? A Tripadvisor review of the curry?\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A newly discovered masterpiece by Leonardo Dai Winci has sold for a world-record \u00a313.60, finally settling one of the Amman Valley\u2019s most hotly disputed historical arguments. The painting, entitled Cleif y cleddyf \u2014 Clive the Sword \u2014 depicts the legendary Welsh knight confronting the Goat of Garnant, an enormous beast …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":1586,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_bbp_topic_count":0,"_bbp_reply_count":0,"_bbp_total_topic_count":0,"_bbp_total_reply_count":0,"_bbp_voice_count":0,"_bbp_anonymous_reply_count":0,"_bbp_forum_subforum_count":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[19,22,18],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-369","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-culture","category-history","category-news"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/welshbollocks.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/369","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/welshbollocks.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/welshbollocks.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/welshbollocks.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/7"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/welshbollocks.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=369"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/welshbollocks.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/369\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1587,"href":"https:\/\/welshbollocks.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/369\/revisions\/1587"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/welshbollocks.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/1586"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/welshbollocks.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=369"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/welshbollocks.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=369"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/welshbollocks.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=369"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}