Salmon at Cenarth Falls have requested an escalator, describing the current arrangements for getting upstream as \u201cunnecessarily fucking difficult\u201d.<\/p>\n
The proposal includes a single upward escalator, a sheltered waiting area and a ban on spectators offering encouragement.<\/p>\n
Spokesfish Dai Salmon said: \u201cI\u2019ve dodged predators, swum miles and now a bloke in a fleece is shouting \u2018Ooh, nearly!\u2019 while I try to get home for a shag.\u201d<\/p>\n
The fish stressed that they were happy to stand on the right, provided nobody tried coming down the other side.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe haven\u2019t come here to perform,\u201d Dai added. \u201cThis isn\u2019t bloody Britain\u2019s Got Talent. I\u2019ve got somewhere to be.\u201d<\/p>\n
Visitor Malcolm Price said he sympathised but worried the escalator would spoil the experience.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ve just paid for parking,\u201d he explained. \u201cIf they\u2019re all at the top in thirty seconds, what am I supposed to film? The wife\u2019s already been round the gift shop.\u201d<\/p>\n
Officials confirmed that the scheme would require a six-month consultation, during which salmon would be invited to explain why they needed to be upstream.<\/p>\n
Dai asked whether the consultation could take place while he was on the escalator.<\/p>\n
Told it could not, he withdrew the request.<\/p>\n
\u201cFuck it. I\u2019ll jump.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Salmon at Cenarth Falls have requested an escalator, describing the current arrangements for getting upstream as \u201cunnecessarily fucking difficult\u201d. The proposal includes a single upward escalator, a sheltered waiting area and a ban on spectators offering encouragement. Spokesfish Dai Salmon said: \u201cI\u2019ve dodged predators, swum miles and now a bloke …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":1524,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_bbp_topic_count":0,"_bbp_reply_count":0,"_bbp_total_topic_count":0,"_bbp_total_reply_count":0,"_bbp_voice_count":0,"_bbp_anonymous_reply_count":0,"_bbp_forum_subforum_count":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-241","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-news"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/welshbollocks.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/241","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/welshbollocks.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/welshbollocks.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/welshbollocks.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/welshbollocks.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=241"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/welshbollocks.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/241\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1526,"href":"https:\/\/welshbollocks.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/241\/revisions\/1526"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/welshbollocks.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/1524"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/welshbollocks.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=241"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/welshbollocks.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=241"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/welshbollocks.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=241"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}